Babies As Weapons

I feel bad for you I really do...I was lucky in that my ex did not want an abortion. Although, that did not mean that she loved our daughter either. Let me start from the beginning.

We were young and we were going to be married. We were both young and wild, very much partiers. Well she ended up pregnant and so suddenly life decisions took on so much more importance. I cam from an abusive broken home and I wasn't about to let my child go through the same things.

One of the questions that I had to ask myself was whether I wanted to be with her mother forever and the answer kept coming back as NO! So instead of subjecting our daughter the pain of an unhealthy relationship and what could have been a really bad divorce, I chose to leave. But I maintained contact and even set up doctors appointments for her and the child. Well the grandmother stepped in and the ignored my attempts to be involved in the child. They tried to not let me find out when they were going to induce labor so that I couldn't sign the birth certificate but I had friends in many places and was told about the day...I was even the first person to hold her after the doctor.

Things were bad from the beginning she rarely let me see the child again trying to block me from involvement, so I got angry and tried to walk away. It only took 5 days for me to realize that I would never be whole without my child. So, I came back and this time she decided that I didn't need to see her at all.

Well she did let my cousin babysit and my cousin brought her over to see me but when I saw her I got sick to my stomach. My daughter looked like she hadn't been bathed in a week and she had sores all over her from sitting in dirty diapers. So, I decided that she wasn't going back to her mothers house. First she tried to send her little punk boyfriend and his friend to my house....they didn't even get passed the open door. Then she tried calling the cops but since there was no court documentation and I was on the birth certificate there was nothing the cops could do.

So, I took her and we hid with family until I could get a lawyer.

Well, we went to court and the judge determined that even though her mother was on drugs, not working, and not going to school; the fact that she was living with her mother that my daughter should go back until the custody could be settled.

I gained court order visitation and started paying child support, which were both good things. I had to take a bus across town every single day to see her and I was there every single day.
Throughout the case she continued to flunk every drug test that she ever took for court but the judge did not care. Finally, we came to somewhat of an agreement where she maintained physical custody but I had frequent visitations, so I relented and accepted defeat.

About a year later, we all(my daughter, her mother, and I) took a trip to Las Vegas. During our time in Vegas the mother disappeared for four days doing Glass( highly refined methemphetmine ). I returned to home with my daughter on a greyhound and filed abandonment charges. She made it back in time to respond and once again the judge made me give her back to her mother. This time I wasn't giving up but the only reason that I ended up winning is because her mother was in jail for huffing paint when we went to trial so I won by default.

and out of our daughters life, which has caused so much stress that sometimes I wish she would just OverDose and die.

Her mother did have visitation until I found out that she was smoking crack in front of her.
So, that's my story and I hope it helps somebody else out.

Ken

Not being persecuted huh? I guess your on the receiving end of the money like all you other women? Ive been paying child support for 25 years with 5 years to go, my entire adult life! Im 45. Let me spell it out for you honey.

Lose your job and try and pay these outragous payments and after a few months your 5000 dollars behind, you are now a FELON! The courts wont lower your payments if your laid off your job! NOW

As you struggle to try and pay your own bills, mortgage, car note they then take your drivers license away from you so you cant get a job and lock you up if they catch you driving without it.

All the while these outragous payments start adding up to rediculous amounts of money, fee's, interest, etc

Then if you cant get a decent paying job they just knock on your door, handcuff you and haul you to jail all the while your payments are stacking up. NOW WHAT!? Now your freedom is gone! This is what happens when you lose your job in the UNITED STATES!

If you do get a job usually because you cant take the time to get a good paying job equal to your skills due to the pressure from the state and MOM sitting there with her hand out you take a job that pays much less and still have to pay the outragous amount of money.

End of the year and now all your income tax returns are confiscated and given to good ol MOM!

I could go on and on. All that crap about being responsible is a joke! You want to be fair about then set the child support at a 1000 a month an let the mother be responsible for her end of it. 500 a month, half just like dad pays and let her lose her job and see how she likes it! If both parents are responsible then why is only the FATHER drug into court every year and ordered to bring in all his income receipts to see how much more money HE ONLY gets screwed out of. Where the hell is MOTHERS financial responsibility!!? She has NONE, she just takes! and if she wants more drags the DAD back into court and squeazes all she can out of him.

Ill tell you what its like living with a child support order, I have 25 years experience and counting! Its like being owned by your X-girlfriend who wields the power of the state and federal government to stomp on your legal right to privacy and just about all your constitutional rights. I cant even take a lower paying job to move back to the small town I lived in to be by my grown children because Ill end up in JAIL! Im owned by my X girlfriend. Its called involuntary servitude when the state forces you to work then takes your money from your forcibly and with the threat of taking your freedom to be thrown in jail and beaten and gang raped if you dont pay the ransom, the amount of money they want you to pay, not what is reasonable or fair, or an amount you can actuall afford to pay! With all this, the MOTHER has ZERO financial responsibility and also gets every single tax deduction there is for herself, the FATHER gets absolutely NOTHING! He also has to pay all the income tax on the money MOM gets. Hell I could go on and on!

DONT TELL ME WE ARE NOT PERSECUTED!!!!!!! You live on the other side of the fence for a while and tell me how you like it over there.! Ive been drug into court by X wives and girlfriends more times than Charles Manson! And every time its "MORE MONEY"

Being a father in this county and then losing them to failed relationship is a curse, an absolute nightmare that never ends. Im making damn sure my son has no kids until the laws start protecting fathers. Its easy for women to sit back with 90% of them getting custody, the house, the money, the alimony, the car, full custody, the tax breaks. Basically EVERYTHING! And dad gets all the bills and a payment coupon book the size of the yellow pages and threatened for 18 years! What does a woman have to lose? NOTHING!

What do you have to say about that? We are not persecuted? Yeah Right! 

Here's the whole story...

I was strongly "encouraged" to marry a man I had only known for 2 weeks by my parents when I was only 16 and so I did. Shortly after marrying him I found out from his family that he had been convicted of molesting a 4yo little boy and that was just not the sort of person I could be with, it made me sick to be in his presence!

So I started searching for a way out and soon met a guy who said he would get me out(and no I was not sleeping with this man). So I took the chance and left only to later find out i was pregnant. I have no idea how I got pregnant because I was not only on birth control but was using spermicide and I also found I was further along than I thought because I had not had sex with him since I found out what he did.

I was panicked and knew I was too young to know anything about raising a child but I would never have an abortion, I never could! My family had abandoned me in many ways because of there religious beliefs and my impending divorce. The only person I had to help me was this man who saved me from my situation. We became close and started a relationship(you know jumped head first like you do when you are young and dumb).

He cheated on me constantly but I stayed, when I was 8 mo along he threw me out a door onto an old heater but I stayed, he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore and was cheating me again 4 hours after giving birth to my son, but I'm not sure why but I let him come back.

Years passed and my sons father never tried to see him and I had married the cheating bastard that saved me I guess because I didn't know how to be alone. When my son was about 2 my husband said he was cheating again so I got back by cheating too (yes I know this was wrong), we split and I took my baby and left in the middle of the night.

Weeks later after having been talking to my x we decided to meet to see if things could be worked out, I had already sent my son to visit his grandparents. He picked me up and I was under the impression that we were going to dinner but he had another agenda. mid hello (after i had seat-belted in) his fist hit me like a ton of bricks.

He was speeding down the 405 and beating the hell out of me. He beat me from Seattle to Wenatchee which was a two hour drive. At one point I tried to jump out the car and he caught my arm and dragged me out the door for a few blocks. In all he broke both my eye sockets and my jaw was torn from the ligaments and my skull was busted open in two spots, I had broken ribs and was quiet cut up.

I was slipping in and out of conciencness and my eyes were full of blood and almost swollen completely shut. He drove to my parents house and gave me a hoodie and told me to put it on and keep my head down and don't say anything. He walked in and told my mother he had done something and showed me to her.

She just looked at me and asked me what I had don't to deserve it. He told her I cheated on him and so she had no remorse for me. They put me in the bath tub and left me there. It took me hours to run the bath and get out. The water looked like pure blood he then put the hoodie back on me and sat next to me and told me to once again keep my head down and mouth shut because my dad was getting home.

My dad sat there yelling at me for not calling him and said I was wrong for not even looking at him, so I ripped the sweater off and looked up, though I couldn't see at all by then, like a record he looked at my x and asked if he did that and he answered "yep" and he then asked me what I did to deserve it.

Well in all they let him stay there 3 days not allowing me to go to the hospital because I might turn him in and they would leave me there with him to beat me further and forced me to do him oral favors with a broken jaw.

I was so scared that even my own parents were not on my side and there was no one to rescue me now. He left scot-free, and I was not allowed to leave my parents house that was far away from any thing in the hills anyway.

My son would scream every time he saw me because I was unrecognizable. As soon as I could I moved out and into my brothers house and other places from there ending up in places like the projects.

Something had snapped in me and I had given up on life and men and let my son stay with my parents a lot of the time because I thought I was no kind of good mother. I picked up a drug habit and my mother came to me and asked that I sign her with temporary custody of my son, and she said if I didn't sign, she already had a lawyer and more money and would take him for good, so I signed with her promise that I could get him back some day.

My drug habit got worse but no one ever knew about it. My son was all I lived for and now he was gone and I was giving up. I moved from one slum to the next until meeting a Buddhist man who came to my house to bring blankets and food and said he should not leave me there.

I decided I had to respect my self as much as this stranger and quit doing the drugs that day and have never touched them again! I spent about a month there and started dating a guy who's father was a major meth dealer.

He had a warrant out and I told him the only way I would date him was if he turned himself in and got it over with but his mother was a schizophrenic stuck with this abusive meth dealer and he didn't want to leave her alone so I said I would go and stay with her while he was in jail; big mistake.

I had to sleep with a knife in my hand because I was not trust(ing) (the people I lived with). While in jail he turned in his step father, and they did a drug bust and the authorities said that I needed to leave the county to be safe, so I moved.

I spent the next few years moving from state to state and man to man thinking sooner or later things would work out for me, and I could get my son back, but it always turned out hopeless. I was depressed and had long since given up on myself and my life and had no idea what to do.

Well I was living in New Orleans before hurricane Katrina and was evacuated you could say ( by yet another crappy relationship) and went to Jackson Mississippi. I think it was here that I started to grow up finally, and stopped giving up and giving in and started making plans for my self.

I said I was not going to date anymore but met a guy that was very sweet and spent hours on the phone with him and in time he wore me down and we started dating and we began to grow in both our lives, helping each other.

We moved back to Washington and started working up. Over the years when i saw my son he always told me that he wanted to stay with my parents, and I didn't want to force him to live with me if he didn't want to (after all it was all my fault), but now he wants to be with me.

I have been in Washington for a year and a half now and have worked up from job to job to job and now am able to afford a nice place and a new car and the things I need and now between my boyfriend (of 2 years now) and myself we make more than my parents do.

My son has come to stay with me for the summer and doesn't want to go back with my parents. My mother had said in the beginning of the summer that if he decided to stay that he could, but now that he does want to stay, she is saying she never said that and that I am an immoral terrible mother and that I haven't changed at all and there is no way I will get my son back after all this time has passed.

I don't know what to do or where to start but I don't want my son with those people anymore and he wants to be here. I have to do something and fast but I don't know what and I have searched but without answers. I just wish for once in my life something would work out right!!!

First and foremost, it is my sincere desire to impart to you, and any man and child in a situation like yours, my most fervent well wishes and heartfelt prayers for interception on your behalf. As a single mother, it literally pains me to learn of your dilemma!

I must also thank you for taking the time and exerting the energy to share your story with the masses. It is not often that I hear of stories like yours and that is obviously not because truths such as yours do not exist, but because of my failure to seek them out and because, as you have so accurately pointed out, it is often women’s rights that get the spotlight while determined and tenacious fathers such as yourself are demonized for attempting to hold your ground against manipulative 'mothers' harboring hidden agenda's.

I personally believe that we all have the ability to heal on our own.  However, there are those times that we truly need help.  I have been lucky enough to get that help that I believe came directly from Heaven.  I will go as far as to say that I have found my guardian angel.  Visit my cherished friend Hopei91 on her site, "Nothing Fancy, But It's From The Heart".

HOPEi91's Review of BAW:            

I wasn't sure of your site at first, but got drawn in and read everything you wrote. I couldn't bring myself to watch the video thou. Being a woman who wanted children more than life itself, but unable to, I found unfortunately, horrible, disgusting truth in what you have penned. I can not believe how much women have changed over the past few decades, or maybe I can, I have my thoughts on that, however I applaud your tenacity and your insight to the men your seeking to reach and encourage to fight however and with whatever means they can..legally and not with force..of course..but then again is that even possible? I don't know. I am not for Hillary Clinton for sure..what a mistake that would be, but I digress. I found your site very moving in your love for your baby girl and I understand your anger. I wish for you all the very best and if you can, try to not let your anger overtake what I see as a very loving man, let that side of you shine through. Well done!!.